Ever have a moment where you stop and reexamine a word or concept that you’ve been using for years? It was one simple question from a client that changed the way I looked at a phrase I had been using for years. While educating in a parenting group, one little question rose from the crowd: “what is a parenting style anyway”?
I paused for a moment and gave her my off the cuff definition. But I took some time to research the commonly accepted meaning behind the term “parenting style.” What Google helped me come up with was:
"A program or a construct of strategies that parents use when raising their child(ren), including the quality of the time spent with the child(ren) and how boundaries are set and enforced."
Out of curiosity, I researched the most commonly documented parenting styles and came up with these 4:
Authoritarian - parent values obedience (and tends to over discipline)
Authoritative - parent enforces rules, but highly values creating a positive relationship with the child
Permissive - parent has weak boundaries and rarely enforces rules
Uninvolved - parent doesn’t really provide boundaries, guidance, or attention at all
To be honest, none of those sounded just right to me, and some even sounded judgmental. Authoritarian conjures up the image of an unreasonable totalitarian. Permissive makes you think of a pushover parent. Uninvolved makes you sound negligent. Authoritative was the most reasonable one - but still something was off.
What if we have multiple parenting styles - or a style all of our own?
I’m not the same every day.
My kids aren’t the same every day.
The needs, wants, obligations, and mental/emotional state are different for everyone in my family every single day.
There are days where I’ve been tapped out of energy and been too permissive. There have been days of crisis mode where I’ve had to let them use the screen because something urgent required my attention.
There have been days where I have felt triggered and heard myself repeat phrases from my past that sound like a dictator trying to flex my authoritarian muscles. Those days are the hardest and make me feel so guilty after the fact but we all have our moments.
We’re humans (not robots) and I don’t think we need to put ourselves into a bucket. I can’t promise to be the same mom tomorrow as I was last month. Because I’m not.
How about creating a unique parenting style that’s based on what’s important to you?
I took some time to think about my own parenting style to get clear on how I want to interact with my children and create and set rules. My personal parenting style reflects my core values, the support I want to give to my children, and the boundaries I want to set (and enforce).
In my parenting style I lead with empathy and compassion, I look past the behavior and dig down deeper to what emotion can I assist my child with in that moment, I circle back to hard times and use them as teaching moments when I know their brain has calmed down, I treat them as humans with out adult expectations, I connect with them on their level and respect is a circle between us.
In fact, I’ve created a one page worksheet to help you define your own parenting style. You can even fill it out with your partner to make sure you’re both on the same page.
And the best part about it is that it can evolve and change as YOU evolve as a parent and human being.
If you would like the one page sheet please email me at krista@tranquillittleone.com and and I will send it back to you!
A New Testimonial from a Parenting Take 2 Client!
"Yoga is great, but Tranquil Little One is WAY more than kids' yoga! Krista Gordon has a real gift for seeing and translating a child's unique energetic and sensory needs.
We recently introduced her to our sweet, smart 3-year-old. This little guy is very different from us in his energy and physicality. Frankly, we didn't know how to relate or respond to him when he'd fling his body around wildly; insist on carrying heavy objects; or take hours to calm himself down enough to sleep.
Working with Krista was amazing. Our son loved her and was completely engaged during her visits. The observations she shared with us after spending time with him made SO much sense and really helped us shift our perspective. She also provided fun, customized activity menus to help us with transitions like bedtime, getting off to daycare, etc. Now we approach our little daredevil with more confidence and empathy. Krista gave us a deeper understanding of our child, and we are so grateful."
If you are interested in learning more about about different ways you can start to parent different and are looking for assistance in figuring out new and different ways to connect with your child, my Parenting Take 2 Program is a perfect match! In this 6 to 8 week private support program I will assist you in finding new ways to parent your child by creating a personalized set of tools specific to your needs and your child's needs. You share your challenges and concerns, I interact with your child in playful sessions to learn how movement and mindfulness will benefit them, and then we connect the dots! Learn more by clicking the button below.
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